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I Love My Wi-Fi

I Love My Wi-Fi

Book by:  Ben Stiefel and Aduke Aremu

Music by:  Ben Stiefel

Genre:  Musical Comedy



Present day on the city streets.  People are milling about, entering and exiting the Java Hut, engrossed in their tech gadgets. (song 1: "City Of A Million People Hooked On Tech")  In the cafe, Stuart, a self-published poet, talks to the Barista, a caffeine addict, about his infatuation with Melody, a beautiful red-headed customer whose name Stuart does not know.  Stuart believes that he and Melody are fated to be together. (song 2: "Destiny").


The Barista decides to help Stuart by speaking to Melody and setting the stage for Stuart's romantic approach.  While doing so, the Barista accidentally knocks one of her many tech gadgets to the floor - she flies into a rage. (song 3: "Don’t Touch My Toys")


Seeing Melody upset only further fuels Stuart's passion for her more.  He doesn't know how to approach her, but he knows he must make a connection somehow. (song 4: "Got To Meet Her Now")  Meanwhile, through a phone conversation, we meet Melody's boyfriend, Sebastian, who is the antithesis of Stuart in all respects: financially secure but cold and unfeeling.  When Sebastian hears about Stuart's feeble attempt impress Melody, he dismisses him completely.  However, Melody doesn't entirely dismiss Stuart, thinking he is sweet and cute.


Seeing that Melody loves her tech gadgets, and needing to make a connection with her, Stuart asks Bob the Barista, for help.  Bob the Barista is knowledgeable in all things tech, and clueless in matters of the heart.  (song 5: "When You Need Answers Fast - I've Got Your 4-1-1")  On Stuart's behalf, Bob sets out to make an internet connection with Melody. After learning her full name, Bob creates an online profile for Stuart that they both hope Melody will find attractive. (song 6: "Make Me Adonis")  After creating the profile, Stuart tries to contact Melody through the internet to set up a date.


Meanwhile, in Melody's house, Melody and her girlfriend Agnes, a female wrestler, discover that Stuart is trying to communicate via the internet.  When Stuart's internet message reaches Melody, she carries an online conversation with him, to the dismay of her friend Agnes, who thinks he could be an online predator.  (song 7: "You Don’t Even Know Him")  Agnes tells Melody to set up a meeting with her at the wrestling arena, so Agnes can 'check him out'.  Stuart, happily agrees to the date.


At the arena, Agnes picks Stuart for the 'Honor Of The Day', which turns out to be a wrestling match between Agnes and Stuart  (song 8: "Bone-Crushin’ Wrestling Time")  Needless to say, Stuart gets a good pummeling and a menacing threat from Agnes.



Stuart enters the Java Hut bruised and comically wrapped in bandages.  He relates the story of his wrestling match to the Barista.  (song 9: "Stop The Fight")  When Melody sees Stuart hurt and in pain, she asks him why he would risk his life in the ring?  Touched by his sweet romanticism,  Melody agrees to a date with Stuart. (song 10: "Stop!  Freeze!")


On their first date, Stuart and Melody go out for dinner at a Japanese Hibachi restaurant.  While the restaurant is renowned for staffing authentic Japanese cooks, their cook turns out to be Bob the Barista, who is moonlighting at the restaurant.  The restaurant is very noisy and not a very conducive place for a quiet date.  Bob is especially annoyed at all the talk and cell phone chatter around him.  (song 11: "Quitcha Yakkin' And Watch Me Chop")


At the end of their date, Stuart and Melody agree to go some place quieter for their next date.  Stuart suggests a trip to Scenic Cabins, where you live life in the woods like an 19th Century Frontiersman.  Melody agrees to the date, only if she can bring her wrestler girlfriend, Agnes, along for the trip.  Stuart agrees, and also brings a friend: Bob the Barista.


Prior to their back-to-nature trip to the woods, Stuart, Melody, Agnes, and the Barista all agree to leave their tech gadgets at home.  (song 12: "We’re Off To Scenic Cabins")  The trip to Scenic Cabins goes poorly.  Stuart and company get lost.  Their car stalls out.  Everyone is tired, hungry and cold.  When they hear the sound of a coyote, they all leave quickly to go home.  (song 13: "Back To Civilization")


Melody is torn between Stuart and Sebastian.  She is warming to Stuart, but knows Sebastian is the practical choice of mates.  During a phone conversation, when Sebastian surprises Melody with a wedding proposal.  To Melody, this is a cold, unfeeling way to propose - in Sebastian's eyes, he is offering Melody everything a girl could dream of.  Agnes thinks Sebastian is the perfect catch.  (song 14: "What More Out Of Life Do You Need?")


Meanwhile, Stuart overhears Sebastian's proposal and Melody's proclamation of love, and realizes he was a fool for ever thinking he had a chance at love with her, especially with all the riches a man like Sebastian can offer her.  (song 15: "Destiny Reprise")  Stuart leaves the Java Hut totally dejected.


When Sebastian tells Melody in a text that he bought her an engagement ring, and that she can pick it up at the post office, Melody realizes a life with him would be without passion - she decides not to marry him.  She also believes that she has lost Stuart forever.


In the Java Hut, Melody sits completely heartbroken.  (song 16: "Will I Ever Again Have Poetry In My Life?")  Further, Melody immerses herself even further into her tech gadgets.  Bob and Agnes decide Melody needs an intervention.  They take her back to the woods, to disconnect from her tech obsession.  In the woods, Stuart appears, dressed handsomely.  Holding a bunch of roses, he first reads Melody a love poem, and then proposes with the final rose. (song 17: "Destiny Finale")


The End

To hear some of the songs, scroll down

Sampling of songs from
"I Love My Wi-fi"
City Of A Million People Hooked On Tech - from "I Love My Wi-Fi"
00:00 / 00:00
Destiny - from "I Love My Wi-Fi"
00:00 / 00:00
We're Off To Scenic Cabins - from "I Love My Wi-Fi"
00:00 / 00:00
Bone-Crushing Wrestling Time - from "I Love My Wi-Fi"
00:00 / 00:00
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